A member of my group recently posted this, and it brought up a very interesting thought.

 

I heard an interesting comment thrown out today by a
vanilla couple contemplating therapy for a bump in
their marriage of a couple of years.

She said to him "You are such a control freak, you
don't trust anyone but yourself, you always have to be
in control"

Are D-types control freaks?

Is being a control freak a positive or negative thing
?

Is being a control freak a lack of trust issue or
something
else?

Can S-types be control freaks in a D/s relationship if
so how does that work with a D-type who is also a
control freak?

How does being in control and being a control freak
differ?

Can you be a dominant personality and not want to have
control?

crimson_dorei

 

 

I am a self-acclaimed sadist: and as I was reading this message I began to contemplate just exactly how much of being a sadist is honestly about the pain that I can inflict on an individual. Oh I know it gives me a rush when I hear someone scream as my whip burns a trail across his or her back, or moan as my teeth sink into their flesh...but truly is it about the pain...or the power. 

 

Mental Health professionals have said for ages that the rape is not about sex, that is about violence. Violence created from anger and the desire for power.

 

 

A standard profile of a rapist is quite interesting...

(http://faculty.ncwc.edu/toconnor/428/428lect20.htm)

 

-One of world's first felonies; for many years, only crime to have a nonconsent factor; filled with cultural overtones

 

-Statistics misleading: time clock method estimates beating against woman every 20 seconds, rape every 20 minutes

 

-Apprehension rates high and conviction rates low

 

-Nonreporting problem before "shield laws"; estimates were that less than 10% of rapes were reported

 

-Fairly constant 15% false reporting rate

 

-Characteristics of rapists:

 

AGE: 75% under age 25, 80% under age 30; over 30 if sadistic type

 

SEX: male normally 100% of the time

 

RACE: Vast majority are black (75-90% of rapists in prison are black); crime tends to be intra-racial; rapists are usually unarmed; 1 in 4 times (25%) uses a knife or instrument.

 

CLASS: majority are from poverty-lower class backgrounds

 

IQ: majority in normal range 90-110

 

FAMILY: sibling history more important than family history, may have been sibling bed sharing, overt sexual behavior in family with siblings and/or (sadistic) mother; lack of support from (absent) father; temper tantrums as child

 

SCHOOL: usually no learning problems and typically a high school graduate; some college possible; discipline problems likely, most likely involving pornography interest

 

PEERS: mild to moderate social maladjustments, but normally one of the "boys"; tries to cultivate a reputation as a tough fighter, but known as a punk and low life to many; usually married, divorced, or lives with a women, in that order, but has demonstrated poor relations with women

 

WORK: majority work reliably around women; lack self-confidence to improve self; if sadistic, takes better job

 

CRIMINAL HISTORY: majority are successful at avoiding this; average of 2.5 priors, only 2 years served on each

 

DRUG/ALCOHOL: noted problems in this area

 

MENTAL: antisocial personality; defines self as normal in every way except sexually, where suffers a known philia or mania; ritualism may border on psychotic with sadistic type

 

ARREST: frequently leaves clues with victim; plays games with police; difficult to get confession

 

TYPES based on Hale's research, not Scully's:

 

POWER REASSURANCE (30%) - precipitating factor is loneliness and lack of self-esteem on 7-15 day cycle; neighborhood nonviolent attacks; keeps souvenirs, thinks victim liked it

 

POWER ASSERTIVE (30%) - precipitating factor is desire to dominate an impersonal sex partner on 20-25 day cycle; cruises singles bars, acts macho; may repeat on same victim

 

ANGER RETALIATION (24%)- precipitating factor is perceived injustice at hands of women on 6-12 month cycle; sees self as athletic and masculine, action-oriented; uses blitz attack

 

SADISTIC (16%)- precipitating factor is need to express fantasy; compulsive in personal appearance; carries rape kit; learns better ways to stalk, and will eventually kill

 

INTERNET RESOURCES

Criminal Behavior of the Serial Rapist  http://holysmoke.org/fem/fem0126.htm

Lecture on Arson and Explosives  http://faculty.ncwc.edu/toconnor/425/425lect07.htm

Legal Admissibility of Arsonist Profiling   http://echo.forensicpanel.com/1998/1/1/arsonistprofile.html

 

 

 

(Quote From Criminal Behavior of A Serial Rapist)

CONTROLLING THE VICTIM

 

How rapists maintain control over a victim is dependent upon

two factors:  Their motivation for the sexual attack and/or the

passivity of the victim.  Within this context, four control

methods are frequently used in various combinations during a

rape: 1) Mere physical presence; 2) verbal threats; 3) display of

a weapon; and 4) the use of physical force. (4)

 

The men in this study predominantly used a threatening

physical presence (82-92%) and/or verbal threats (65-80%) to

control their victims.  Substantially less often they displayed a

weapon (44-49%) or physically assaulted the victim (27-32%).

When a weapon was displayed, it was most often a sharp

instrument, such as a knife (27-42%).

 

One rapist explained that he chose a knife because he

perceived it to be the most intimidating weapon to use against

women in view of their fear of disfigurement.  Firearms were used

less frequently (14-20%).  Surprisingly, all but a few of the

rapists used binding located at the scene of the rape. One

exception was an individual who brought pre-cut lengths of rope,

adhesive tape and handcuffs along with him.

 

 

THE CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR OF THE SERIAL RAPIST

 

By: Robert R Hazelwood, M.S

Special Agent

Behavioral Science Instruction/Research Unit

Quantico, VA

 

and

 

Janet Warren, D.S.W.

Institute of Psychiatry and Law

University of Virginia

Charlottesville, VA

 

 

Now I realize that BDSM is not by any means rape, nor am I insinuating that it is... I merely found some similarities interesting. For ages I have stressed that my being an owner is not about sexuality, or sceneing and pain, it is infact about service.

 

In truth the relationship between an Owner and a slave is about power and control. Does this mean that every Owner is a control freak, not by any means...in fact that is one of the reasons I chose to list the information on rape...

 

In a healthy sexual experience, individuals have sex for a variety of reasons... for example to express emotions such as love, loneliness, passion, need and desire. In an unhealthy sexual experience, individuals also have sex for a variety of reasons, although these reasons are dramatically different... anger, need for control, need to prove something (to themselves or others), inability to have a "normal" sexual experience.

 

In a healthy BDSM relationship there is an exchange of power or control for a variety of reasons, love, trust, fantasy, desire, need, and a desire to be "free". I should probably explain that last point; most slaves only feel "free" when they are owned, they have a desperate need to give up control of their life to another, to spend their life in the service of another and in some extremes to no longer exist as an individual but only as an extension of another individual...to them this is freedom.

 

In an unhealthy BDSM relationship the exchange of power or control is done for completely different reasons, fear, low self-esteem, desperation, helplessness, self-hatred, and the inability to have a healthy BDSM relationship...or any relationship for that matter.

 

"How does being in control and being a control freak differ?"

 

This is indeed the question that needs to be focused on. Being a "control freak" is normally viewed as a negative connotation, someone that goes to extremes to maintain or gain control. Being in control is viewed as a positive, it does not suggest extremes and in most circumstances it is a desired quality for most Dominant individuals.

 

Being a control freak almost implies that the individual has a psychological or emotional imbalance, while being in control suggests a well maintained balance in those areas.

A control freak will do anything necessary to gain control...often in the early stages a control freak will be labeled as a predator or stalker. Even thought they do not have physical control over an individual they have some degree of emotional or psychological control. They feel they have control when an individual is afraid to go out, to be with friends, even to answer the phone...the control freak is at his or her pinnacle of glory when they can control what the target of their attention does...even though the individual has not willingly given that control.

 

It all boils down to consensuality, in a healthy BDSM relationship the relationship itself and all that occurs within its boundaries should be based on mutual consent.

 

To a control freak the need for consent is irrelevant, in fact the lack of consent makes the conquest that much more desirable. A control freak rarely asks or requires consent; this is indeed what makes them so dangerous. They do not recognize boundaries, personal rights or choices and they do not care about the emotional or psychological damage that they are doing to the target of their attention.

 

A control freak wants control, and since they lack the skills or ability to gain control in a consensual manner they take control with or without a willing partner.

 

 Is it a lack of trust? Not really, they do not care if you trust them or not...they trust themselves and no one else...hence trust is not a true issue to this individual.

 

Is it a lack of confidence or low self esteem? Yes, they do not attempt to gain consent because they feel it will not be given willingly. Hence they do not feel they have what it takes to be a Dominant individual in a healthy relationship.

 

Can a submissive be a control freak? Yes, they too can be predators and stalkers even though they take the submissive side. They feel that no one would want them or take them if given the opportunity to make an educated decision so they do not give the Dominant the opportunity to make such a decision on his or her own. These individual will manipulate their way into a relationship and then continue to manipulate and scheme behind the Dominant's back while appearing to be the perfect submissive.

 

 

Can a Dominant not wish to be in control? When I first started to answer this question I though "of course...everyone wishes to give up that responsibility every now and then". Then I realized that is not what the question asked. The reason someone is Dominant is because they love control and power... now can they give up that power? Yes, but they maintain control by giving consent to give up that power. Hence they have not truly given up control, just given up the responsibility behind the control. I know that sometimes I get tired of making all the decisions and having all the responsibility and wish just for a moment that someone else would step in and make some decisions for me or take some of the burden. The thing is I would have to willingly give that individual the control, which means that I could easily take back the control and counter any decision or action that the individual made...hence I never gave up control, just loosened my grip on it for a moment.

 

As with everything this is my opinion, take what you will and leave the rest. If you wish to contact me, my email address is Norisch1@mchsi.com. If you wish to see more of my work you may find a complete listing of all my writings at.... http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Norisches_Quill/?yguid=99788111   in the files section.

 

Norische