The great thing about Service Submission is the fact there are no rules, there is no one way to give service or execute tasks. In terms of the lifestyle, there is no Grey Council, no Council of Elders, no Corporation Board - it's just us, all of us, with our agreements, ideas, imaginations. There is no one right way to present a cup of tea to a Dominant, there is no true and right way to serve a meal. We copy, borrow from, take cues from each other, from our own cultures, from other cultures. We adapt, shape, transform - sometimes we even come up with our own original ideas.

I have been asked about how to learn certain things in regards to service, or how someone could be trained like me. Here's the secret - no one trained me - I didn't go to butler school. I picked up certain ways on how to serve, I liked them, I tested them out on Dominants, and the Dominants seemed to like them - hence, UNG's style of service was born.

I have been very fortunate to travel a few times in my life via Business Class - whether it is flying, by train, the bus really doesn't have a Business Class. I once travelled First Class, from Dubai to Afghanistan, because no one else was booked in for Business and apparently, they don't offer Business Class on that flight - it was all a little strange, but I wasn't going to argue. It's kinda like being booked in First Class going to Hell. The thing I enjoy about travelling in Business Class or First, is I get to pick up on certain niceties shall we say, that I can encorporate into my service. It's the little things - hot towels before a meal, warm nuts, pouring a cup of tea on a tray and passing the tray in front of the Dominant so that he/she may pick up the tea him or herself.

My style is such a romantic mishmash of domestic etiquette, from different cultures, different periods in time. I like silverware, be it the real deal, or just plated, even the inexpensive tin trays from the op shop or Dollar Store make me happy. They make a good impression - you might be presenting just a cheese toastie sandwich, but the minute you present it on a shining silver tray, it becomes a feast. I have a strange love of doilies - the thinner the thread the better - oh, and if they were tatted together by someone's grandmother, I love them even more. I get off on cotton linen - the thought of a Domme pressing a cotton linen napkin to her lips to wipe away a drip of tea, that makes me hot. Alot of what I do is a cerebral turn on for me - it appeals to my sense of the aesthetic - it makes my insides just a twitter. The sight of a crisp shirt line, polished shoes, a visually appealing meal presentation.

I can no more teach someone my style than I can teach someone to appreciate art from my eyes. That which I find appealing, sexy even, others may not. I use faux wax seals (less messy, always ready to go at hand) to seal the envelopes of letters, cards etc. I have a tea caddy so guests can choose his/her own tea. I have a set of rose water dispensers to welcome a Dominant into my home - though I detest rose water and substitute in orange blossom water - but dabbing a few drops into his/her hands so they may be able to freshen him/her self after arriving. I have a caddy of creams, soaps, headache powders, hard candies, chocolate, in my guest room.

I can not say to someone else 'This is how you should do service' because what is important, lovely and pleasing to me, may not be so to you. Also, what is appealing to me might not even be appealing to a Dominant, but considering service seems to be something that has gone by the wayside in the community, it may very well be there are many Dominants who neither know what they want to receive from a submissive in terms of service, or they do not know how to receive service.

The best advice I can give is read, learn, observe, try, test. There are many books and websites on topics such as a proper table setting - be it American, European, Asian - yes, all of them are different, and there are probably very many more; or how to serve a meal, and what utensils to use when serving a meal. These are sort of fundamental butler/maid type functions that can and should be learned as a base - I say as a base because then you can put your own sytle and touch to this. It need not always be elaborate either, the whole point of this is to show a Dominant you care, you are taking time to pay particular attention to the small details. When a female Dominant, in particular, takes the time to get dressed up, put on shoes/boots that are not particularly comfortable - trust me, I massage ALOT of feet at play parties - possibly put on make up, they have exerted much effort to look as they do - it takes time to get into a corset, put on stockings etc. - often the clothing is hot, tight, or restrictive - the least that can be done is to place a napkin - preferably cotton - under a knife and light a pair of candles. I don't think that's asking too much.

Do you know how luxurious it can be for someone to be bathed? Granted, it's not something most would enjoy, and I'm surprised that my own personal experience at a Turkish hammam where I was pretty much violated with a loofa (no, not really) hasn't turned me off bathing, but for some, it is indeed a treat. Laying back in a warm pool of water, having someone attend to those rough spots on your toes, having someone else battle the thick mat of hair between your legs, having someone worship you body and spirit with reverance as they wash every inch of you, that is a treat - especially when it is not done as some prelude to sex - it is just pure indulgent relaxation.

Need I say how decadent it is to be driven around - for the vehicle to pull up right to the door, door opened, all you need to do is step out. No worrying about parking, circling the lot reciting your special parking karma mantra, praying a space opens up. No running in the rain, all sodden clothes and fogged up glasses. Just slipping into the back seat where there might be a cushion, blanket, and cold beverage wating for you - all you have to say is "Home, UNG".

It also depends on how I'm feeling the day of - or what I'm wearing. I wear gloves alot, for multiple reasons. One, they're pretty bad ass sexy - I have many pairs of white and black gloves. I prefer the black gloves because they don't show stains or wear like the white ones, but sometimes, you just need that shock of white on your hand. When passing something to a Dominant, you don't really need to worry that you are transferring germs or other impurtities - hopefully I don't need to say don't hold a glass or cup around the lip area. Gloves hide a multitude of manicure sins - I don't have long nails, and my cuticles sometimes don't cooperate - put on a pair of gloves - problem solved.

I am often asked how to do something - or what sort of meal should be prepped - and while I am very happy to say what I would do, I hope those in the community who enjoy providing service know, whatever ideas you come up with, so long as they are from the heart, and show thought, they will be much appreciated. It's good to get ideas from others, from the internet, from social media, from entertainment - but take those ideas and make them your own. I never worry about someone 'copying' my style because frankly, whatever my style is, it has been copied from so many different sources, it might very well qualify as original. Also, no matter how much someone else might copy what I do, it will never been exactly like mine, because they don't think like me, or reason like me, or see the art like I do.

So please, if you like what I do, and you want to form a baseline to work with, where you can fold in your own ideas and techniques to make it truly your own, then please feel free to get in touch. Who knows, I might very well learn something from your style as well, a win/win all around, especially for the Dominants we might be attending.

If you have ever considered offering service as a form of submission, I suggest the following points for you to ponder. These ideas have served me well, no pun intended, and I hope they will do the same for you.

These guidelines are geared more to the unowned submissive, who can offer service to anyone, but the ideas can also apply to a power exchange/ownership relationship. Above all else, no matter what the situation, your offer of service does not nullify your hard limits, and should not override any agreements of consensuality.

1. Learn one primary, applicable skill, that you can use in general, in a BDSM gathering setting, and do it very well

There are many skills that you might acquire in your life - you might be a fantastic web designer, or you might be a whiz with respect to design and decoration. These are great skills to have, but perhaps not applicable when at a play party or at an event where you might be able to demonstrate your abilities. You may find a Top/Master/Mistress/sub/bottom who could use your skills in these areas, but for general events and gatherings of leatherfolk and BDSM folk, you might want to consider something along these lines:

- Massage - hand, foot, shoulders, possibly even back
- Tray service - fetch drinks and food
- Porter - carry toy bags and gear, load and unload
- Able assistant - provide mobility assistance if required
- Aftercare specialist - provide aftercare to Tops or bottoms
- Catering or food prep - assist with laying out a spread, or preparing a menu of delights
- Clean up - of the play space in general, of equipment after use

2. Take pride in your appearance and what you do

If you plan on offering service, ensure you are clean and well groomed, either scent free or lightly scented. You can be as extreme in your appearance as you choose - a full tuxedo and white gloves - or as minimal as you choose - naked. Show decorum and composure - it is not the time to be vulgar, overtly sexual, or jocular - be polite and demure. You are creating a fantasy, something special - use your imagination and have fun. If all you can offer is a pair of boxer shorts and a tie - great - just don't wear the Sunday afternoon sitting on the couch boxers, and the tie your grandfather was waked in.

When you perform a task, do so efficiently, without much fuss, with focus and attention, and to the best of your abilities. If you only feel like giving 50%, save everyone the disappointment and stay home. If you have committed to service, you need to bring the best of you - you need to give your best effort. That's not to say you can't socialize, perhaps even play, but if you have committed your service for a fixed amount of time, then carry through with your promise and demonstrate your sense of pride and responsibility.

3. Always seek to improve your skills, or to acquire new skills

Education is a key component to giving good service - the more you know, the more knowledge you have about a subject matter or ability, the better your skill in that area. You should also be seeking to expand the breadth of your skill set - you never know when a skill might come in handy. You should focus first and foremost on your primary skill set, then seek to expand your secondary and tertiary sets of skills.

This could be a simple as researching the web for articles, watching YouTube videos, taking an online course, taking a BDSM workshop, reading a book, or even approaching a friend or colleague who appears to excel in a certain area.

Take an afternoon and search for videos on butler skills, or perhaps watch a video on how to prepare a certain recipe - then practice these skills on your own. If nothing else, your loved ones will appreciate your efforts even before you are ready for prime time - so to speak.

4. See to your needs, take care of you first

If you are planning to offer service, you need to ensure your needs are met. Are you feeling well? Have you eaten? Are you in a good state emotionally? Are you well hydrated and comfortable?

When offering service to others, you are offering the best of you. If you are tired and need a rest, do not hesitate to politely inform the person making the request that you need to take a break, but that you shall attend to them as soon as you are refreshed.

You need to communicate your needs and ensure you are in the best form of you before you can see to the needs of others. You know how you are advised to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others with their mask in case of an issue during a plane flight? It is the same situation here - see to you before you see to others.

5. Be of service to all

You have the right to accept or decline a request for service, but I would caution that your veto should be used sparingly. Service is respectful, selfless, and should be made available to all regardless of status or title. Service should not be limited to Tops, or to only who you deem to be physically attractive individuals. Your service should not be offered with the expectation for reward. Chances are your efforts will be appreciated, perhaps even praised, but don't go looking for this - otherwise, it just cheapens your efforts. If you offer service with the "what's in it for me?" mentality, perhaps service is not a skill you should seek to cultivate.

If asked if you would like anything in return, feel free to prevail upon this opportunity. If someone is talented in the use of floggers, and you love being flogged, by all means, you may politely request a flogging should they be so inclined.

Above all, relax and enjoy. At the end of the day, you should feel pleased with the job you have done, and even if it isn't spoken, those around you do appreciate your efforts.