Warning: This writing is heteronormative, and focuses on Male led D/s dynamics. Sorry for the binary nature of it, but still feel free to use whatever may apply to your situation.

This writing is to address the simple truth that quite often Dominants need a helping hand, a bit of encouragement, and a nudge in the right direction, from the significant others we call subs.

The truth is, we Doms are funny creatures. We set ourselves up as omnipotent, yet we are nothing more than one side of the D/s coin. No more or less knowledgable or wise than our counterparts on the submissive side of that same coin.

There seems to be a lot expected of us, yet no one thinks of how we arrive at the place where we can fulfil those expectations adequately.

Think about it. We all have to start somewhere. But an inexperienced, untrained sub... well it would generally be accepted that they just need to find an experienced Dom to teach them how to play their assigned role to a desired standard, and embrace there submission.

But what about the blossoming young Dom with no experience? Well once again, the assumption seems to be that they need to go find another more experienced Dom to mentor them.

Unfortunately though, there is very little incentive for the average Dom out there to train another, newer Dom. As, well....most Doms are a little preoccupied, trying to acquire or train subs of their own. And unlike training your own sub, training a fellow Dom doesn't offer the incentive of a splendid blow job at the end of it.

So people like me, end up with more messages than I care to individually respond to, from distraught submissive women, asking me how they can get their partner to be more dominant, or how they can get their partner to further embrace their role as the Dom in the relationship.

No one seems to consider, that just as a Dom can train a sub, a sub could train a Dom?

Well I'm here to call bullshit on that one. I say, that a sub is entirely capable of training their man to be the Dom that they desire and need.

Here is my completely opinion based formula. Use it as you see fit. Implement and discard sections as necessary. Adapt as needed.

Discern if your man is dominant.

Look, if the man you want to Dom you is actually submissive, then you're barking up the wrong tree so to speak. And even if you are successful at bashing that square peg into a round hole, it won't bring him any fulfilment, and any you may feel is likely to be shallow and fleeting.
If however you can see that streak of dominance in him. If you see that cheeky spark in his eye when he gets bossy. If you can sense in him that desire to lead.... Well then, you've got yourself a dominant in the making.

Understand that he has been conditioned to be subservient.

The simple fact is, that the 1950's man is dead. His dedication to working hard and providing for his family as head of his household, in return for their love, loyalty, and respect, was rewarded by killing him off and vilifying him as evil incarnate.
Since his time, generations of men have been taught by the PC brigade and various doctrines and brands of feminism, that the naturally dominant tendencies they may have, are barbaric, unwanted, and have no place in the modern world. What was once protection, care, and provision of the women they loved, is now branded as patriarchal subjugation.
If you want him to embrace his dominance as a man, you will have to be patient and understand that he will be scared of being thought of as being abusive, and that it will take time for him to discard the mental shackles that society has bound him with.

Lead the horse to water.

This is a principle that I like to use at early stages of D/s. And it works particularly well for a sub gently leading their Dom into power exchange. Think of it like the principles of defusion. By reducing the power you exert into the relationship, you will create a power vacuum, into which his power can grow and expand.

Be subtle.

Now as we do what I just described above, and the steps I will describe below, it is important to remember that you remain subtle. We don't want to cross the line from guiding, supporting, and assisting, into the counter-productive region of 'topping from the bottom'.

Commit to the power exchange.

This one might seem obvious, but unfortunately it's not. If you are going to do this, you need to commit. You can't be expecting him to take control and dominate you one minute when it's convenient, and then rebel against it and push back the second it ceases to be fun or convenient. If you do this, the yo-yoing will leave a bad taste in his mouth, and put him off trying to express his dominance further. So if you don't want to give the poor guy whiplash, make your decision and stick to it.

Understand leadership requires one leader.

Think of your D/s relationship like any other team or effective unit. The ship only has one captain, and on this ship, you've nominated him for the job. No one likes a backseat driver, so don't be one. Being a leader isn't easy, and not every decision a leader makes is going to be the right one. Which leads me onto my next point.

Don't undermine him.

There is a saying in the military, that in a crisis situation, the best thing you can do, is make is the right decision, the next best thing you can do, is make the wrong decision, but the worst thing you can possibly do, is make no decision at all.
Assistance is always appreciated, so is input, but once a call has been made by the leader, it's imperative that everyone on the team gets behind it.
Make sure that you're not second guessing him, undermining him, or eroding the position that you chose him for. Instead, focus on being as supportive of him in his new role as possible.

Defer decisions.

All the little 1%s add up. Look for ways to foster his dominance by deferring small decisions to him. If he wants you in the red shoes then wear the red shoes. If you ask him which dress you should wear, and he says the one you weren't hoping for, just go along with it. This isn't about turning yourself into a doormat. It's about embracing his dominance as worthy of your submission and yielding to it. This will train him subconsciously to openly express his wants, which will eventually evolve into instructions and commands.

Ask rather than demand.

A big step in establishing functional power exchange inside a D/s dynamic, is the shift from rights to privileges. What I mean by this, is that what was once assumed, should now be asked for. Now just because he isn't going to enforce this, doesn't mean you can't start training him by asking.
Ask if you may sit on the couch. Ask if you may go out with your friends. Ask if you may go shopping. Ask if you may suck his cock. Use the words 'Please' and 'Thank-you' regularly. His inner Dom will love this, he'll become accustomed to you asking permission from him as an authority figure, and eventually he'll start to pull you up when you forget to ask.

Make yourself accountable.

Use him as someone to which you are accountable in all things. If you didn't go to the gym, even though you knew you meant to, then tell him and apologise. Tell him that it is your responsibility to maintain yourself for him, and assure him that you will improve and do better next time.
This is just one possible example, but the accountability that a submissive holds towards her dominant is one of the great motivators for personal improvement that D/s provides. And just because he hasn't started demanding you hold yourself accountable to him, doesn't mean you can't get the ball rolling, by taking the first step and doing it anyway.
Daily journals to submit to him are a brilliant way to start this.

Make him responsible.

Part of learning effective leadership, is learning to deal with the responsibility that being the leader brings. If he decides to take control of the household budget, and money runs out halfway through the pay cycle, don't point and laugh, or demean him for his failure. But don't jump up and take blame for it either. Let him beat himself up mentally for his failing, and learn from it. Offer assistance, as any good team member should, but in the end, allow him to take responsibility for his failures as well as his successes.
Learning such responsibility will be foreign to many men, raised by a society that has created generations of emotionally handicapped, irresponsible, castrated, man-babies, who take refuge from a feminised post-industrial society by living out a false masculinity sold to them by beer commercials, crappy cable TV man-channels, and online gaming.
If your Dom is a former member of this faux manhood, then learning to be a responsible male adult may require some faith, patience, and coaxing on your part.

Hold him responsible.

When all of the above is said and done, you should have a Dominant who has embraced his role and is thriving comfortably within it. As he has embraced the power you have exchanged in your dynamic, and has become responsible not only for the leadership of the relationship, but also specifically for you within it.
Just as he holds you accountable, you hold him responsible. And if he is failing in his responsibility, it is up to you to let him know. If you have wants or needs, it is up to you to let him know. If you are feeling neglected, it is up to you to let him know.
He can't hear what you don't say. So as he accepts his role, you are entitled to expect him to live up to it.

And finally.

There is a lot written about submissive headspace, and how to nurture it, foster it, and grow it. But what you may not realise is that Doms have Dom headspace too. And just like submissive headspace, our Dom headspace needs to be fostered and nurtured also. Most of the above advice is about doing just that.

But the truth is, that even the most Domly Doms will some days struggle with feeling the dominance their role requires. I know I certainly do. There are days when I feel so drained, or stressed, or beaten down by work or life, that I feel about as Domly as a Girl Scout selling cookies.

Luckily, on days like this, my submissive can sense this. And as I slump down into my chair at the end of the day, she will kneel at my feet, remove my shoes, rest her head on my knee, and looking up at me, say; "Good evening Master, I have missed you all day. May I please get you a drink and sit at your feet as we watch some TV?"

And just like that, she has me feeling like a king, like the luckiest man in the world, and she has me feeling like a Dominant again, as easily as if she pushed a button on a remote control........ Almost as if she had trained me.

-Master James