Lord **** grim words and posting bring sad sighs of shared pain and anguish to me. Over the years the tiny news clips parade like a litany of darkness in the soul. Some are friends, some distant names whispered on frightened lips. This posting propelled a discussion with a Dom/male friend of mine about the inherent dangers of 'First Meetings'. This discussion centered around his own impending first meeting with a submissive fem from this on-line community. He expressed his extreme concern at her failure to ask critical questions of him before agreeing to meet him.    

As with all things the cyber realm has two faces. One positive and one negative. We, as a community cannot ignore this new child among us. Nor can we impose upon it rules and standards that no longer work with the efficacy of the past. We have to accept that we too must change, adapt and overcome the problems. Seek new answers and find ways to welcome the newness instead of isolating them from the assistance and information they too need.    

Relationships end. Sometimes through the willful choice of both partners, other times one may ask for or be released. In either case the ending of a relationship is painful. In my opinion many D/s relationships tend to function in a deeper response zone in the psyche. I have been send numerable letters recently asking me about coping in the aftermath, both from Dominant's and from submissives. What kind of aftercare should exist? What obligations continue even after the relationship has ended?    

Control - To exercise restraining or directing influence over.    

Consent: Compliance with or in approval of what is done or proposed by another.    

Collaring is the term commonly used by those in the D/s community to describe the commencement of a relationship between a Dominant and a submissive. It carries the same type of weight that a marriage ring does in it's final stage and denotes the same depth of commitment. In recent times (since the advent of the Internet) we have seen a bastardizing of this ritual into something casual and transient. This attack on long standing traditions should be actively fought by educating those entering the lifestyle.    

A sexual submissive is a person who manifests submissive traits only in direct connection with sexual arousal and release. In all other aspects of their life this person will probably comport themselves in a manner that is neutral or indistinguishable from a nonscene related person, vanilla.    

Perhaps one of the most challenging decisions we face as a parent is what we should tell our children, when and how much. By choosing to live within the D/s or BDSM lifestyle the normal sexual issues exist with the addition of this serious added component.    

The Wall: The Wall is one identification of the limit that the mind and body are physically capable of processing.    

A few code words.

The concepts of consent were very, very carefully thought out since this community has spent many years being viewed as the same as abusive or assaultive relationships.    

The desire to cage or be caged can be very strong.    

Studies that relate the practices of sensory stimulation or 'applied mental stresses' which are used in the S/m community