Masked dancers, in glowing silks and shimmering satin costumes and dominos gavotte under the candlelight of Murano crystal chandeliers. Velvet-curtained alcoves conceal card games and trysts while musicians in one corner play for the dancers. Uniformed footmen offer champagne to all. Resting on a table near a gilded door, are feathered half-masks for newcomers.

The Masque, The WIKtT Archives, and The Garden share a chat.

The Garden is an online resource community to educate those already practicing or wishing to learn the art and lifestyle of Domination and submission in their various forms and practices. Join us in reading and sharing through our growing collection of essays, definitions, and BDSM Munch-style chat. Ask questions, and with us, learn about how and why we do what we do but remember that while learning online can be wonderful, offline experience is the best, most fulfilling teacher.

About The BDMS Garden Chat Room

Our BDSM Garden Room is a place where people from the D/s and BDSM community, both new and seasoned, gather to chat. We ask each other questions, give advice, and share experiences on all subjects. This community is open and built on trust. We do not always talk about BDSM so don't be scared. Join us, we're a friendly lot!


Chat Entrance

The Masque, The WIKtT Archives, and The Garden Ballroom Chat rules

  • No one under the age of 18 is allowed on any The Masque Network website, no matter the laws in the country of residence. The Chat Monitors and Hosts will promptly remove any and all minors.

  • NO under-age, incest, snuff, extreme violent sexual abuse, or bestiality role play, discussion, or requests are allowed, and offending chatters will be booted and banned without warning. Anyone found to be promoting illegal activities or distributing child pornography anywhere on The Masque and affiliated sites, including chat, will be reported to the appropriate authorities without mercy or hesitation.

  • No Chat Monitor or Moderator will ask you for personal information (other than age - see below) to prove your identity, nor will you be asked by any chat or site official or Board member for your password or to go to another site to provide that information. If you are approached, do not follow instructions and do not download any files made available or linked to in chat.
  • Due to the history of minors intruding on the age-restricted sites and chat, a Moderator or Admin may demand proof of age via certified photo (driver’s license, State ID, or passport) held by the chatter, on a live video feed (cam). The image will not be saved or shared and is used exclusively to verify the user’s age. Moderators and Admins have special icons (shield or trophy) next to their names and they are listed at the top of the user list. No other chatter may demand proof of age.

  • No flooding, SPAMming, trolling, cloning, hacking, exploiting, spoofing, harassing, or racism. The Masque and affiliated sites are in no way responsible for any damage as a result of clicking on any non-native site link.

  • Though we try to monitor chat, The Masque and affiliated sites and the Board are not responsible for any events, circumstances or actions perpetrated by those in or out of the chat room. Flag any offending post.

  • The chat rooms are monitored randomly by volunteer Chat Monitors and hosts. They have a broad spectrum of duties in the Ballroom, including aiding in the flow and function of chats and games and ensure that rules are followed. All CMs and Hosts can and will remove chatters (boot) and/or ban at will, according to the Courtesan’s rules. Please be respectful of their time and energy.

  • Please log-in one username at one time.

  • Each chatter is provided with an ignore button. Instead of causing drama and stress, flag the chatter’s post and use the button provided on the offending chatter’s profile.

  • No means no. Stop means stop. Neither one means “maybe”. Cease and desist when told to.

  • Each room has its own expectations and guidelines. If you are unclear on what they are, ASK. If you are directed to read a guidelines document, do so. If you are directed to another chat room that may better fit your advertised desires, please acquiesce.

About The BDSM Garden Chatroom

Please join us in The BDSM Garden room! We'd love to meet you but we would like you to read our etiquette expectations and traditions first so you understand why we're doing the things we're doing in this room. We do request that you join us in celebrating some of the traditions of on and offline D/s. By no means are these traditions and expectations mandatory except our gentle request that everyone be respectful in their interactions.

The BDSM Garden Chat Room Etiquette, Expectations & Traditions...
to better understand why we're doing the things we're doing.

The BDSM Garden is a safe place to teach, learn, and celebrate all things related to Domination, submission, and BDSM. It is also understood that the topic of conversation varies greatly and does not always include D/s or BDSM. BDSM topics are always encouraged, however. Polite debate and discussion of D/s topics should be the goal of the chat room.

We hope you will join us in celebrating some of our traditions and expectations.

  • Respect the other chatters. We do not discriminate between those who participate in BDSM activities and those who do not. We also have a policy of YKINMKBYKIOK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink Is Okay). The only exceptions are violations of the site rules.
  • Chatters are respectfully requested to register usernames and have a correct age listed in the profile.
  • The Dominants govern the room. The Dominants, as a group, are empowered to control the behavior, discipline, and tone of the room. The Dominants should encourage others to ignore unpleasant elements in chat and encourage the misdirected chatter to the proper room. The submissives should let the dominants handle the issue. No single Dominant is in charge; the collective majority is. Moderators are present to enforce the site rules and the decision of the Dominants, as long as they coincide with the site rules.
  • Though allowing the Dominants the honor of assisting and protecting is preferred and encouraged, under any circumstances, the submissives are empowered to defend themselves. Use of the Block button is suggested for the entire room. Moderators are present to enforce the site rules.
  • Traditionally, a Capitalized name is a Dominant or Top; a lowercase name is a submissive or bottom. Your mileage and grammar preferences may vary.
  • While we understand English grammar rules, traditionally, a Dominant is referred to with capitalized pronouns and honorifics as a courtesy, i.e., Her, You, They, Sir, Ma'am; a submissive is referred to with lowercase. This may translate into using phrases like "Y/you A/all", meaning a collective of Dominants and submissives. Submissive or slave referral to self in third person is acceptable and may be considered a formality. Honorifics are not required in chat.
  • Submissives are encouraged ask permission to enter and leave the chat room. Dominants should grant entrance promptly. This immediately reminds every person attending that this is a BDSM room. It puts the submissives into a D/s mindset, rather than a generic chat or play mindset. Granting entrance engages the Dominants in their service and attentiveness, too. It produces a symbiosis of D/s in two sentences. It creates a theme of service and formality that differentiates this room from general chat rooms. Some Dominants have their own rules for their submissives' entrance. Those rules will always prevail.
  • If a collared, protected, or otherwise claimed submissive misbehaves, discipline or correction should be given by the Dominant he/she is protected by. If another Dominant has a complaint about a collared submissive, it should be given directly to that submissive's Dominant, privately.
  • If an unowned submissive or a Dominant is disruptive, the other present Dominants, will manage the discussion/discipline of the member. This should be a group decision, and never the actions of a single Dominant, even if the matter must be tabled until Others are present.
  • Ask to private message other members of the room.
  • The rooms' submissives, slaves, and bottoms are not required to serve or obey any person they are not bound to.
  • We have a Topic of the Day. Guests are welcome to bring up any questions or new topics at any time, but we will direct chat toward the scheduled topic if there is a lag in the chat. On Topic photographs, art, quotations, thoughts, ideas, definitions, links, questions, teaching, experiences, and jokes are welcome. A calendar for the chats is here

  • Members new to BDSM, both Dominant and submissive, are encouraged to seek an experienced mentor for guidance and learning. Mentorship is not normally a sexual relationship and may or may not cross D/s lines. Questions from newer lifestyle people are always welcome in the room. It is always a good idea to research a mentor before asking for mentorship.
  • Unless the Dominant/Top involved in a public scene invites participation, do not jump into a scene through action, advice, or talking with the people in the scene. They are focused on each other and distractions are disruptive. Crosstalk during a scene or serve is allowed.
  • While The BDSM Garden Room does have food and drinks from John Norman's Gor series, as well as furs for slaves, and Gorean serves and dances are welcome and appreciated, The BDSM Garden is not a Gorean chat.
  • Please do not post random porn photos or links to the The BDSM Garden. We prefer our photos to be on theme and coincide with the topic being discussed. You are welcome to DJ during non-topic chat times.
  • For ease of understanding, please spell out all of your words in chat. This is an English-speaking chat.

  • Attention whoring is unacceptable. Do not disrupt or annoy other chatters. Respectfully join in chat. Do not try to dominate or railroad the topic being discussed.

  • Please add your relationship status to your chat to avoid confusion and mistakes.
  • Civility is required, respect is earned.

What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for Bondage, Domination (Discipline), Submission (Sadism, Switch), Masochism.   BDSM means different things to different people and there is no one standard meaning, activity, or fetish. It is the lifestyle that allows for and encourages hundreds of fetishes and trust-based relationships based in Power Exchange. Power Exchange is the voluntary trade of personal, physical, or emotional agency to another person in exchange for some kind of emotional or physical tender or service. A Top (the person with active agency) controls a scene (the actions and situation) for the bottom (the passive patient).

BDSM eroticizes or fetishizes actions, sensations, and emotions that may otherwise be considered unpleasant, inappropriate, dehumanizing, perverted, or downright odd in other contexts or relationships.

BDSM emphasizes trust, communication, intimacy, choice, and affection as core values.

We live by one of several tenets: SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) or PRICK (Personal Responsibility in Informed Consensual Kink). Note that they all espouse consent and thought before action. Not every activity involves or leads to sex, though many do.

Also, despite what [a certain, much hated, novel series that references number of colors] suggests, we are perfectly normal. That series and common thought statesthat those who participate in BDSM are somehow emotionally damaged. BDSM does not come from or support domestic violence or abuse, and the people who engage in BDSM are not any more abusive, violent, or mentally ill than people not involved in the lifestyle.  Not everyone or even most people involved in BDSM come from abusive backgrounds, nor do they perpetuate abuse.

Enjoying BDSM is another part of normal sexual intimacy that normal people participate in. Anyone you know, from family members to coworkers, from salespeople to billion-dollar company CEOs, could be involved in BDSM - and they are all completely normal. Each person has his or her own motivations for doing BDSM or D/s. The one thing that we all have in common is that, one way or another, BDSM makes us feel good.

What is D/s?

D/s is the "lifestyle" part of BDSM, where a Dominant (the person in the superior position) and submissive (the person in the subordinate or subservient position) are in a long-term relationship. Because each relationship is different and there is no single standard for how to do BDSM and D/s, there is no absolute way to describe a D/s relationship other than there is a Dominant and a submissive involved in it. The dynamic varies from "playing in the bedroom occasionally," to a 24/7 dynamic between a Master and consensual slave.

Why do we do BDSM?

Because, for one reason or another, it feels good! It could be emotional or physical or both. Each person will have a different specific answer, so feel free to ask.

A few sexy ideas

The easiest way to start BDSM play is using scarves or ties to tie your partner up and play sensation games with touch and taste (try ice or chocolate!).  Many are fond of a few swats on fatty or fleshy body parts while having sex to see where that leads. Role playing Master or Mistress can be a great way to get housework done with some good sex as a reward.

Be sure to check in with your partner when playing by asking, "How does that feel?" often. You can also use a common safe word system of stoplight colors with red meaning, "Stop Right Now," yellow meaning, "That might be making me uncomfortable, so slow down a little bit," and green meaning, "More, more, more!"

  • To view the rules for Chat, click here.
  • To view the rules for The BDSM Garden, click here.
  • To view the rules for The Gorean Homestone, click here.
  • To view the rules for the Writers' Library, click here.
    To view the chat calendar, click here.
  • To view the website Privacy Policy, click here.
  • To view the website Terms of Use, click here.
  • To view the website FAQ, click here.
  • To view the website Guidelines, click here.
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