About The BDMS Garden Chat Room
Our BDSM Garden Room is a place where people from the D/s and BDSM community, both new and seasoned, gather to chat. We ask each other questions, give advice, and share experiences on all subjects. This community is open and built on trust. We do not always talk about BDSM so don't be scared. Join us, we're a friendly lot!
What is BDSM?
BDSM stands for Bondage, Domination (Discipline), Submission (Sadism, Switch), Masochism. BDSM means different things to different people and there is no one standard meaning, activity, or fetish. It is the lifestyle that allows for and encourages hundreds of fetishes and trust-based relationships based in Power Exchange. Power Exchange is the voluntary trade of personal, physical, or emotional agency to another person in exchange for some kind of emotional or physical tender or service. A Top (the person with active agency) controls a scene (the actions and situation) for the bottom (the passive patient).
BDSM eroticizes or fetishizes actions, sensations, and emotions that may otherwise be considered unpleasant, inappropriate, dehumanizing, perverted, or downright odd in other contexts or relationships.
BDSM emphasizes trust, communication, intimacy, choice, and affection as core values.
We live by one of several tenets: SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) or PRICK (Personal Responsibility in Informed Consensual Kink). Note that they all espouse consent and thought before action. Not every activity involves or leads to sex, though many do.
Also, despite what [a certain, much hated, novel series that references number of colors] suggests, we are perfectly normal. That series and common thought states that those who participate in BDSM are somehow emotionally damaged. BDSM does not come from or support domestic violence or abuse, and the people who engage in BDSM are not any more abusive, violent, or mentally ill than people not involved in the lifestyle. Not everyone or even most people involved in BDSM come from abusive backgrounds, nor do they perpetuate abuse.
Enjoying BDSM is another part of normal sexual intimacy that normal people participate in. Anyone you know, from family members to coworkers, from salespeople to billion-dollar company CEOs, could be involved in BDSM - and they are all completely normal. Each person has his or her own motivations for doing BDSM or D/s. The one thing that we all have in common is that, one way or another, BDSM makes us feel good.
What is D/s?
D/s is the "lifestyle" part of BDSM, where a Dominant (the person in the superior position) and submissive (the person in the subordinate or subservient position) are in a long-term relationship. Because each relationship is different and there is no single standard for how to do BDSM and D/s, there is no absolute way to describe a D/s relationship other than there is a Dominant and a submissive involved in it. The dynamic varies from "playing in the bedroom occasionally," to a 24/7 dynamic between a Master and consensual slave.
Why do we do BDSM?
Because, for one reason or another, it feels good! It could be emotional or physical or both. Each person will have a different specific answer, so feel free to ask.
A few sexy ideas
The easiest way to start BDSM play is using scarves or ties to tie your partner up and play sensation games with touch and taste (try ice or chocolate!). Many are fond of a few swats on fatty or fleshy body parts while having sex to see where that leads. Role playing Master or Mistress can be a great way to get housework done with some good sex as a reward.
Be sure to check in with your partner when playing by asking, "How does that feel?" often. You can also use a common safe word system of stoplight colors with red meaning, "Stop Right Now," yellow meaning, "That might be making me uncomfortable, so slow down a little bit," and green meaning, "More, more, more!"
About The BDSM Garden Chatroom
Please join us in The BDSM Garden room! We'd love to meet you but we would like you to read our etiquette expectations and traditions first so you understand why we're doing the things we're doing in this room. We do request that you join us in celebrating some of the traditions of on and offline D/s. By no means are these traditions and expectations mandatory except our gentle request that everyone be respectful in their interactions.
The BDSM Garden Chat Room Etiquette, Expectations & Traditions...
to better understand why we're doing the things we're doing.
The BDSM Garden is a safe place to teach, learn, and celebrate all things related to Domination, submission, and BDSM. It is also understood that the topic of conversation varies greatly and does not always include D/s or BDSM. BDSM topics are always encouraged, however. Polite debate and discussion of D/s topics should be the goal of the chat room.
We hope you will join us in celebrating some of our traditions and expectations.