kissa - 01/02/2022
Hi A/all. i'm kissa and i will be helping @Luvvie do the thing today. You are welcome to have an energy drink while i natter if it helps keep your fingers and minds moving and having fun while we talk about the Way-Not-Fun DROP.
kissa - 01/02/2022
Please stand by and we'll get rolling pretty soon. You may see a few chatters from my server here. I promise they are generally safe. They have also heard my Drop spiel so will be, hopefully, pitching in with what I forget. In the meantime, you're welcome to check out my site for BDSM information, TheBDSMGarden.com
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
Thanks for hosting and letting some riff-raff in
kissa - 01/02/2022
@chrissa {M}thanks for coming so I don't get scared smiles
Mojo1975 - 01/02/2022
@kissa I wouldnt let anyone scare you off 
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Mojo1975thank you, darlin' Sir

kissa - 01/02/2022
(just remember, she's available at TheGarden regularly. Do not get fingerprints on her. her Dom is mean.)
User - 01/02/2022
I am both amazed and slightly appalled lol. It's perfect

Luvvie - 01/02/2022
@everyone Welcome and thank you for joining us for this discussion! Just a few notes before we get started.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
Please be considerate of one another and remain on the topic of discussion. If other discussion topics arise, please write them down and put them forward at the end for possibilities for future discussions. If you need clarification on a term, please ask! We want to be as clear as possible.

Please remember that this subject can be a touchy one as it discusses vulnerability and some see that as weakness, something some Dominants shy away from, so please be kind and gracious with one another. Also, this is a DDlg safe space, so please remember to be supportive and welcoming to our little friends, and be open to the viewpoints they may present.
I've asked Kissa to join us today, she has graciously agreed to help lead the discussion. And welcome to those from the Garden who have joined us today! You can check out her site for more BDSM related information at TheBDSMGarden.com.

Lastly, I am not the final word on anything here, I don't have all the answers, just mediating the discussion, so please everyone chime in. My DMs are available if you wish to ask a question but do not feel comfortable asking in main, I'd be happy to ask it for you.

I'm going to turn it over to Kissa now before we get started
kissa - 01/02/2022
Hi all! Thanks for joining us!
some of you may remember that we used to do daily talks in 321 and then on my site, The Garden, about the ephemera of BDSM. The "stuff". I hope that this can get us back on the learning train.
You are all welcome to join us in the Garden chat anytime smiles
Today, i'm told that we'll be talking about Drop. Since I didn't have a whole lot of time to copy the internet, we'll just roll with what we have. I'm not going to spew facts at you for an hour because yawn
Instead, let's just have a nifty chat smiles
So... i see Luvvie is typing and she is way faster at it than I am. I am thinking a lot of you are, so please, please never wait for me.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
haha I was just going to say I agree with the nifty chat!
I was just wondering if anyone here knows what sub drop or Dom/top drop is?
kissa - 01/02/2022
groovy
Mojo1975 - 01/02/2022
All to well
kissa - 01/02/2022
See, and that was my first question, too.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
chuckles same page.
kissa - 01/02/2022
Soooo @Mojo1975what is it?
User - 01/02/2022
Unfortunately. But it's definitely something I want to learn more about so I can help
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
can you define/ describe it?
Olive - 01/02/2022
it's the feeling resembling depression after the high during play...can also be triggered when trying new things, particularly when pushing boundaries and such...but it is a hormonal reaction
Mojo1975 - 01/02/2022
Well it's different for everyone so I can't define it but I can say what I feel it's a drop a sadness like something's missing and the confusion of not knowing how to fix it the fear that it will not stop
kissa - 01/02/2022
So, i would love to see everyone chime in with what they know and feel or have seen or heard about both Top Drop and Sub Drop. Honestly, we're going to see some science, some pseudoscience, some psychology, and some outright bunk. What we're going to do is try and sift through that for you
Olive - 01/02/2022
sometimes, it's just so good....so you feel sad or "spent" when it's done
Molly - 01/02/2022
Feels like PMS to me
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Olive you hit it on the head with "hormonal reaction"
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
Isn't it when all those happy brain chemicals suddenly "drop" and are depleted?
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Mollykinda, yeah
OldWolf - 01/02/2022
@chrissa {M} Endorphins
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Think of it like a roller coaster in an emotional sense. You are playing, doing intense stuff, having fun, really high up. Then it ends and you can go hurtling downwards pretty quickly since you had a lot of hormones running through you and all and then they go poof.
kissa - 01/02/2022
@chrissa {M}it isn't just the happies. It's a whole string of them
LilBee - 01/02/2022
I think I get sub drop when I've been with my Daddy and actively in a rl D/s dynamic for a few days then he leaves and it is really hard, not just because he's gone because I know that affects everyone, but it's something more with my headspace that lasts a few days
User - 01/02/2022
@Olive hit it pretty well. It's pretty similar to depression but seems to be tied to a specific time or act. As opposed to depression being a more widespread kind of always-there thing.
LadyF - 01/02/2022
It's a hormonal and biochemical reaction to the chemistry created during play leaving the system. It feels like depression, anxiety, fear. a feeling if being lost, adrift. For me at least
OldWolf - 01/02/2022
@LadyF Perfect.
Evangel - 01/02/2022
It's chemical. And then that creates those feelings of "down or depressed"
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Yeah. Temporary, highly intense depression.
Mojo1975 - 01/02/2022
Something has come up* slips out*
kissa - 01/02/2022
okay, so i have heard a ton of keywords here. And you are all correct. There's more, though.
First of all, you MUST have hit "Space" before having "Drop". That's just the science of it. You must have hit either subspace or Top space to have drop.
Shack - 01/02/2022
Been there, never knew it had a name
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
that's interesting!! how would you define subspace?
or top space
kissa - 01/02/2022
A lot of us feel down or stressed when something is over. It isn't always "drop".
LadyF - 01/02/2022
Space is the biochemical reaction in your body from play. Endorphins etc. You can feel floaty, disconnected, at peace. Its diff for everyone
kissa - 01/02/2022
@chrissa {M}great question. Soooo what is it? smiles
@LadyF excellent
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Space can also refer to your mental state when you are topping or subbing.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
Subspace refers to the trancelike state some submissives experience during BDSM play. It occurs due to high endorphins in the brain.
kissa - 01/02/2022
@DominantPoet It is part of it but it isn't just the mental state. It is a chemical reaction producing a form of euphoria
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
but it's directly related to power exchange?
not like... typical orgasm-y bliss?
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
Dom/ top space is equivalent however is adrenaline based, and generally allows you to stay aware of what is going on, which is important with BDSM play.
kissa - 01/02/2022
So, i would like to take a wee step back after that awesome introduction with @chrissa {M}'s question.
No. It is NOT always related to power exchange.
LadyF - 01/02/2022
@chrissa {M} its diff. It can be from D/s or from pain, humiliation play. All types. Forced orgasms
kissa - 01/02/2022
in fact, it happens to athletes, adventurers, military, emergency responders, and anyone in high-stress situations or emergencies.
User - 01/02/2022
The space is a little different depending on what I'm doing. During a session. It's more focused on the physical and what I'm doing specifically. It's a feeling of control. But I hit My service Dom space pretty easy during the day just taking care of things. That's actually my more dangerous one for drops because if I can't take care of things I struggle
OldWolf - 01/02/2022
I've experienced the exact same state of mind playing sports as I have in Top space. They're just different tasks.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
adrenaline high nods
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
so fascinating.
kissa - 01/02/2022
This
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
im just gonna put this here.

LadyF - 01/02/2022
@OldWolf exactly. Similar to runners' high
Shack - 01/02/2022
Interesting
kissa - 01/02/2022
So, this thing, it happens to a LOT of people and it's through the treatment of those people, especially athletes, that we are learning how to treat it
It is far more common to hear about "sub drop" than top drop because, frankly, Tops and Doms report those experiences far fewer times than bottoms/submissives
Why is that?
Shack - 01/02/2022
Pride
kissa - 01/02/2022
(we are going to step back into hormones and chemicals in a bit, i promise)
LadyF - 01/02/2022
There are different hormones triggered by diff activities. They each feel a lil unique and create unique reactions. They also can encourage feelings of love or bonding
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Shackfor sure
@LadyFyou're right
LilBee - 01/02/2022
I thought it had a lot to do with tops feeling like they are "bad" for the acts they did during scene, even though it was consensual? And subs could feel I don't know maybe embarrassed or unsure or bad about their part in it too. Even if it is something both parties love, but that drop can happen and communication and aftercare are so important.
User - 01/02/2022
Agreed. Sad but true
Doxie/Paradox - 01/02/2022
in my experience submissives get stimulated and are expected to share their state of mind their emotions and what they are going through. also as part of control and understanding.. where the Dom is often expected to be strong and know what they are doing.. Pride is a good short answer

DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Embarrassment can definitely stop them, which falls in with pride and all. Doms don't necessarily like to/are capable of showing what they consider weakness either.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
definitely part of it.
kissa - 01/02/2022
@LilBee very good! That is a big part of it.
Shack - 01/02/2022
Uh buh @Doxie/Paradox
Uh huh*
kissa - 01/02/2022
@DominantPoetfor sure
LadyF - 01/02/2022
@LilBee those can be the reactions but can be because it brings out negativity and fears, anxiety, etc.
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
I think it's part of the illusion of being 'in control' and sometimes Drop feelings feel out of control, which could lead to feeling shame about not being able to 'fix' it.
kissa - 01/02/2022
There is some speculation that Tops just don't get as "high" as bottoms do and may not be as deeply influenced by their hormones as bottoms. Maybe. I'm not a top. I honestly don't know, but it sounds like bunk to me.
LadyF - 01/02/2022
@chrissa {M} ohh. Interesting
Doxie/Paradox - 01/02/2022
I would imagine they are worried or scared their submissive will lose faith in them or consider them "weak"
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
That's usually what makes drops happen for me. If you are being particularly abrasive to someone you care about or treating them "badly" in a sense that, outside of play you'd feel horrible about it, then it can definitely happen once the play is over.
OldWolf - 01/02/2022
Perhaps adding a bit about how aftercare is used to mitigate drop. Might be helpful after.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
we will 100% get there.
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Doxie/Paradox, @LadyF, and @chrissa {M}you bet
@OldWolfwe will get there.
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
It's definitely bunk, I can only speak for myself but I definitely have some crazy highs at times.
kissa - 01/02/2022
Often, Tops are less likely top be open about vulnerability where that openness is literally trained into bottoms.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
the guilt is a huge part. When you get into a scene and afterward think of what you've done.. it can definitely lead to a drop. Especially without proper aftercare.
LadyF - 01/02/2022
@kissa i think it depends. Some D types with new partners, or in public can hold back, stay more away for safety's sake, which i think causes it less in Ds
kissa - 01/02/2022
@LadyFactually, you're right, and we will touch that
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
also... D-types experiencing an adrenaline high rather than an endorphin high, would lead to feeling tired after exertion and thats less likely to be detected than an emotional imbalance... so it could be a case of not recognizing what is happening.
LilBee - 01/02/2022
Also I think feelings of "does He actually love me" "am I a dirty terrible person" etc etc. and aftercare takes all that away for me.
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
i wonder if it's often a gendered thing, too. like, if Dommes are more likely to report than Doms.
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
this is so interesting.
kissa - 01/02/2022
• d-types experience a moreeenergy-based adrenaline high than an emotional, endorphin high due to the nature of the difference in activities, and feeling tired after exertion is less likely to be detected than an emotional imbalance (http://bdsmwiki.info/Drop)
OldWolf - 01/02/2022
Its pride and not wanting to show weakness in front of your sub or anyone else for that matter. Speaking for myself.
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
It's also very like that a lot of guy Doms out there are just using whoever, so even if they have a high...well, they still are just using that person so they can't really "drop" as it were since they aren't necessarily feeling bad to begin with. If that makes sense.
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
but sources
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Not to single guys out, there might be some women out there who do it too.
kissa - 01/02/2022
okay, WHEN does drop happen?
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
absolutely.
LadyF - 01/02/2022
I think new Ds in particular see it as a weakness, or only subs do it
kissa - 01/02/2022
@LadyFgood thought
LadyF - 01/02/2022
For me it can be a few mins or a few days
kissa - 01/02/2022
@LadyF yesssss
User - 01/02/2022
@kissa that's the hard part. Drop can happen days after the session. Or right after.
It's better to look for triggers and tells than time periods
Doxie/Paradox - 01/02/2022
I've had drops during after and days later..
Shack - 01/02/2022
Has to be all about support when it happens, being free from it that is
kissa - 01/02/2022
@ User good
@Doxie/Paradox exactly
Okay, so, why does it happen in that bizarre timeframe?
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Triggers, usually. I would think.
OldWolf - 01/02/2022
Question, Im not pushing aftercare. The days after drop is worrisome. Does anyone that's had it happen to think it might be due to not being re-assured after a scene?
kissa - 01/02/2022
@DominantPoet what do you mean?
LilBee - 01/02/2022
It can just take days for your body to show after effects, just like bruises. Your mind is the same
LadyF - 01/02/2022
It's, whenever i can no longer feel the endorphins...poking a bruise, doesn't hurt anymore, or they fade, or my mind has moved too far away from it to close my eyes and slip back with a touch of rope or a belt
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Could be just you alone, could be you doing an activity that makes you reflect back on the scene in question, could be watching a movie with an intense scene similar to what you did in play, etc
kissa - 01/02/2022
@OldWolf smiles it isn't just that. While aftercare is important, we're back to talking chemicals now
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Just something that makes your brain look back on it in a different light

Doxie/Paradox - 01/02/2022
Sometimes it's triggered.. sometimes things are just so intense you don't notice when to stop on time... Sometimes the session can have an abrupt break that causes the drop (usually due to confusion and a sudden disconnect) sometimes it's just after when you come down from the scene and drop.. and sometimes it's days later when everything sinks in and you either stop riding the high or you just make connections then.
Just my experience.. how do I get a snazzy name
kissa - 01/02/2022
It does not happen immediately because your body is metabolizing and producing your natural uppers and stress hormones, Adrenaline, oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine and cortisol.
LilBee - 01/02/2022
It could be, but for me that hasn't been the case. I think it's just my mind constantly ruminants over feelings.
User - 01/02/2022
That's the hard part. It has so many other parts that play into it. Maybe your life is hectic and you just can't drop til it slows down. Or the other way around, the craziness of life forces the drop.
Angel069 - 01/02/2022
Both the D and the s need to care for each other when in this vulnerable state as they have just shared something intense that triggers endorphins etc
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
you can have a high for days...
kissa - 01/02/2022
First, you are getting totally loaded (and i mean it, you're freaking high) on your happy hormones.
LadyF - 01/02/2022
I need reassurance days after at times
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
I don't have drops days after generally, but say I do a scene where I did a lot of face slapping. And then maybe I watch a movie with a character being slapped but in a really negative fashion. My brain can be in a different state and it just clicks and I worry that maybe I'm abusive or something like that. Just a random example.
LadyF - 01/02/2022
@Luvvie yes
kissa - 01/02/2022
Your neural receptors are totally clogged with serotonin and oxytocin. It's floating around your system with literally nowhere to go while your body is processing them. Then, your brain starts screaming because your body isn't meant to stay high for long. So, it pushes other hormones to control the happy hormones.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
I think the amount of time before a drop depends on how the drop was induced. If I'm in Domme-space... and in a scene.. and someone knocks at my door... or some emergency comes up and I'm ripped out of that space quickly.. the drop comes way sooner.
kissa - 01/02/2022
That brings you DOWN. Then, your brain says "waaaaaiiiiit" and tries to produce more happies. Then more downers. You are a chemical garbage fire in the hours and days after hitting subspace.
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
Sometimes when I know that it's ending, I start dropping in the scene itself. That's the worst, for me.
kissa - 01/02/2022
I know it sounds funny. But this is what's happening, Your body does not know what it's supposed to be doing so it keeps trying to balance those hormones because your body WANTS to be balanced.
LadyF - 01/02/2022
@Luvvie and much harsher drop for me as well. If it ends abruptly or poorly
kissa - 01/02/2022
So, then, while that's going on, add a trigger. A stress hormone. A shot of cortisol. What happens? You snap at someone. You snarl. All of a sudden, not only is this dumpster fire going on in your head, now you have life stress added. Sooooo now you're doing the dance of trying to balance all of this stuff plus your emotions until you hit balance again.
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
emotions suck.
kissa - 01/02/2022
Your parasympathetic nervous system is just trying to get back in control.
Doxie/Paradox - 01/02/2022
They can.. but happiness is an emotion too
LadyF - 01/02/2022
So true. Anger can be part of it too
Evangel - 01/02/2022
Important to note that underlying mental health symptoms/diagnosis can also increase and impact drops
LadyF - 01/02/2022
@Evangel yusssss. Know if your partner has mental health issues upfront!! It can help you both deal
kissa - 01/02/2022
So, we touched a lot of the symptoms of drop - and they are very similar for both Tops and bottoms (and I am going to be herteronormative here for my own sanity and finger pain) What are the symptomatic feelings of drop? For him, for her?
muscle soreness, melancholy, self-doubt, lethargy...
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Definitely glad all my drops have been inwardly inflected then, wouldn't want to be dropping and angry as a result of that I don't like being genuinely angry, especially towards someone I care about.
User - 01/02/2022
It's the hardest part of BDSM lol. We are a people of extremes, and we love those extremes. But those extremes also come with extreme swings and moods
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
feeling cold
LadyF - 01/02/2022
I can be.... self-destructive. Make unhealthy choices. I get sad, anxious, temperamental
User - 01/02/2022
For me it's a feeling is sadness. Like I'm not enough.
I've been there felt the drop for a good few days.... All I wanted was to be left alone and sleep and hide.... I felt sadness, melancholy and was depressed
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
Teary as fuck
LilBee - 01/02/2022
Self-doubt for sure, anxiety, worrying if I'm good enough, fear of abandonment...but a lot of that is my normal mental health issues but just intensified
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
from anonymous:

Ok. Generally I do not get involved in these conversations, because I feel like an oddity and like something is wrong with me. I drop, it's not every time. But I do get there. However, I handle mine on my own. I don't get sad and needy, I get cranky, irritable, antisocial, and just a general angry bear of a person. I have had many potential relationships messed up because the Dominant partner felt inadequate or like something was wrong with the fact that I need space and to do things by myself. The constant drilling of aftercare and support during this period has created a standardized procedure in the minds of many that just doesn't fit everyone. I hate seeing a partner struggle and feel inadequate because they can't do anything and feel like it's their responsibility to fix everything.
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Mine usually involve thinking I'm abusive, that I'm a jerk, making me question why I like the things I do, what's wrong with me, things like that.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
I'm glad you can recognize that..
coolmintoreo - 01/02/2022
For me, my drops make me ansty and irritable. Every little thing bothers me. My normally long fuse becomes much shorter, my patience for "stupidity or annoying things" Thankfully my drops are generally predictable as they tend to happen 2 to 3 days after a more intense session. I
LilBee - 01/02/2022
I get also disinterested, distracted sometimes
User - 01/02/2022
For some can last up to a week.... How does one deal with that?
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Fear of abandonment is a big one for me and I have a really hard time expressing that one actually because if I try, I feel like I will literally just shatter entirely.
kissa - 01/02/2022
Several of you mentioned GUILT. Tops feel guilt for hurting a loved one. Feelings if being dirty, perverted (not in the fun, sexy way) worries about being mentally ill for liking what you did if it was potentially harmful. Worries about why am i doing this. Who is this crazy woman that LIKES it? Is she sick?
@ User we will talk about that in just a sec
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
A feeling that can also come up is- why do I feel the need to go through all this to be satisfied? What's wrong with me? Feeling perhaps dirty or less than
User - 01/02/2022
@kissa ok thanks, and yes recently my Sir felt guilty after we had a session he used a belt on me, he was worried that he hurt me way too much, no matter how much a reassured him he kept saying "I shouldn't have hit you thst hard I'm sorry i feel such a jerk"

kissa - 01/02/2022
For bottoms, we're talking GUILT in abandoning feminism. Why did I let him do that to me? Why did I like it? Am i dirty? Am I disgusting? He must think i am disgusting. There can be debelief that the bottom has let someone DO that to her. For male bottoms, there is a common thought of a loss of masculinity which can lead to a loss of self and ability to even provide.
@ Userhe had some drop and some guilt and i totally get it. We'll talk on how we can help
User - 01/02/2022
@kissa ok thanks
LilBee - 01/02/2022
Yes
kissa - 01/02/2022
One Top even described it as a "death spiral into myself"
Arabella - 01/02/2022
I think this is a communication thing sometimes but I've experienced it as well. Something @kissa said about guilt reminded me of conversation about this with a Dom. I'm very inward when I'm down and droppy. But for him very present aftercare of me (that frankly wasn't immediately helpful to me) was about absolving his Sadistic guilty feelings by patching me up. It was more effective for us both if I just told him out loud that I was grateful for it and he's a good person.
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
yes yes yes. fear of abandonment.
kissa - 01/02/2022
Now, if you're compounding ongoing depression with that feeling, you're in for some issues and you NEED to discuss your lifestyle with your prescriber. It's honestly and truly life saving.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
this is HUGE
listen up ppl.
for those in the back.
Stephie - 01/02/2022
prescriber?
LadyF - 01/02/2022
@Stephie dr
kissa - 01/02/2022
So, mentally, we have a lot going on. We have recovery from bruises. soreness, stiffness, cold extremeties (which is totally normally, btw, because your stress-body sends blood to your organs, not your fingers and toes) craving for sweets, fatigue. This is where our self-care and the care we give our partners can come in, both immediately AND in the longer term.
kissa - 01/02/2022
Quick swing back to @OldWolf on the topic of AFTERCARE smiles
Stephie - 01/02/2022
you want us to tell our doctors that were in the lifestyle?
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Probably good to mention quickly - aftercare is not a one and done thing that applies to everyone, aftercare can vary wildly in what works for you and your partner from what works for others.
LadyF - 01/02/2022
@Stephie it is best if they know, yes. Docs are usually very understanding about it
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
Its smart to find doctors and counselors that are kink-aware, because of the intensity of the lifestyle.
User - 01/02/2022
@Stephie there are docs that are in the lifestyle the question is to find them
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Stephieyes, i do. If your doctor is not kink friendly, change doctors. There are lists on the Kink Aware Providers site on NCSF AND on Justine's List on Fetlife.
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Ish a good idea if you go to the same doc and all for sure
User - 01/02/2022
@chrissa {M} snap!
Lone_Wolf - 01/02/2022
@DominantPoet but remember after the aftercare drop can STILL happen
LadyF - 01/02/2022
I believe JamesWill put links in resources to help you find kink aware providers. Fyi
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
before the aftercare talk @kissa I just wondered what those who are s-sets would think/ deal with their Dominant dropping...
Stephie - 01/02/2022
hnng, oh, okays @.@
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Luvvie that's a really good question.
A submissive can experience Drop and the world stops to coddle her. What about the Dominant?
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
nods That's why what works for one coupling will not necessarily work for others. Drops do not work the same for everyone both in intensity and time of happening, so aftercare has to be something you and your partner(s) discuss and come up together.
LilBee - 01/02/2022
You're not the only one that was like oh lord lol. I'm not telling anyone about a lot of things lol. But the physical stuff maybe. Thankfully I have not been on meds for a long time, partially due to this lifestyle actually!!! but if I were on them again, I can see how it could be helpful to mention it when being prescribed something
kissa - 01/02/2022
@DominantPoetaftercare does and doesn't happen for a few reasons. We'll talk about them
Arabella - 01/02/2022
I think for me it depends on the reasons for their drop, other than the obvious. Addressing the specific insecurities and that are cropping up specifically and directly. Non sexual service that's about reinforcing value
User - 01/02/2022
I think a dominant needs as much after care as the submissive.... I cuddle my Sir while he cuddles me and we reassure eachothethat all is well in the world.... Except th times when we experience drops
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
I don't think its realistic to think that you'll always be able to prevent drop with aftercare, but hopefully to lessen the length or impact of it
Misfit - 01/02/2022
I would like to add if you're on meds that make you groggy or effect your mental clarity please do not take them and then scene this is another reason it's best to discuss these things with a dr
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
nods Indeed, some pairings or groups won't necessarily even need it.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
nodding Do you think of your Dominant as weak if you see a drop?
LadyF - 01/02/2022
Reassurance that it was consensual, desired, enjoyable. Listening, calming touches and convo. Quiet support. Cuddles, showering/bathing.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
those are good aftercare techniques, but I'm wondering what your mindset around it is
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Definitely.
autumn velvet - 01/02/2022
I am a nurturer. My Dominant is also although in a harsh, strict sense that others don't "get". But I recognize His drops and His general grief responses in life and I adjust my nurturing service to His needs. It works for U/us.
Arabella - 01/02/2022
No
But if they refuse to share it with me I feel a bit like... Shakes head silly boy
Stephie - 01/02/2022
i mean, ive been on my anxiety meds for a long time now and I've never noticed any problems. my online drops are just as bad yknow?
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
NO! I see them as human
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
this. Recognizing mental health issues in relation to scening is so important.
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Luvvie we can circle back
LadyF - 01/02/2022
Not at all. Vulnerability is strength
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
Never. But I've honestly never been told if He has dropped...
which makes me sad if He has.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
nodding absolutely
Stephie - 01/02/2022
can trauma created by a lack of aftercare in intense scenes cause worse drops in the future?
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
love this.
MysticalDragon/MechsHands - 01/02/2022
bingo
LadyF - 01/02/2022
Its hard to be vulnerable! It takes courage
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
I would think so, yes. Those relationships are probably bad to begin with though, imo.
User - 01/02/2022
@LadyF it's even harder for a top/Dom to admit he/she feels vulnerable
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
absolutely. there's a huge trust element there. if you've been let down before.. you may find it harder later.
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Stephiesmiles hang on, please
User - 01/02/2022
@Luvvie I agree on the trust.... Its the key
Stephie - 01/02/2022
110% yes.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
okay hold on y'all. I know we're excited. Let's pull it back.
Kissa, where were we?
LadyF - 01/02/2022
Yes. I think so. A traumatic play event that ends poorly can cause me to drop worse and more often for a long time after.
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
I will never hesitate to offer my care to my dominant, not because I'm a switch, or because I'm a mother and it's my instinct to care for others- but because I respect them, I treasure them, and I will do what I can to make sure that our experiences bring the greatest amount of joy possible.
kissa - 01/02/2022
smiles let's talk aftercare. Give me a second, please, because something does need to be said about casual and deep relationships that relates
User - 01/02/2022
Everyone got all excited and jumped ahead lol. A good discussion so far
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
lol while we wait a moment... have a sip of water my lovely ppl
kissa - 01/02/2022
okay. First. NOT all scenes have aftercare involved in them.
LadyF - 01/02/2022
@Luvvie lol
LilBee - 01/02/2022
I know that my Dom needs my strength at times as much as I need His and it is my honor to be able to provide it and care for Him
LadyF - 01/02/2022
Not all bottoms want or need it
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
but sometimes the top needs it.
LadyF - 01/02/2022
Or tops..
LilBee - 01/02/2022
But I think it is harder for Him to admit though
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
It takes time; and that's ok. It's part of the journey. Some of us have had to be tough for so long, it's hard to let our guard down
kissa - 01/02/2022
In many casual scenes where the Top or bottom is serving the other, either in giving a lesson or in offering a new experience, aftercare is NOT always promised for a few reasons. Those are that aftercare is, by nature, a care. It may not be the Top or bottom's job to give it. In those cases, the participant is responsible for their own care
ALSO
Drops are statistically less likely to occur after a casual scene. First, because space is often more controlled by both participants and second because limits in pain, experience, and in action are more likely to be explored in an intimate, deeper relationship.
Drop happens more between lovers than friends or casual acquaintances.
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
You keep making yourself available, and he will always know he can count on you
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
It almost feels forced and awkward when it's someone new or casual...
personally speaking.
kissa - 01/02/2022
@chrissa {M}for sure
You are keeping your wits about you and that means that you likely won't hit space
and you're more likely not to drop.
okay, back to aftercare. What do you all do/need for aftercare for yourself and your partner, immediately after a scene?
autumn velvet - 01/02/2022
Shower, food, sleep. smile
kissa - 01/02/2022
@autumn velvet grins* all important
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
I'm gonna go ahead and say, that priority is asking- "how do you feel"; "what do you need from me right now?"
kissa - 01/02/2022
How about in the moment?
@HellPrincess yes!
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
reassurance.
warmth.
LilBee - 01/02/2022
I think casual play partners can give aftercare, especially if it's not a one time thing ya know. But I can understand that some don't/won't.
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Myself, I like cuddling and reassurance, romantic words, gestures like running fingers through hair and along one another, or having a shower together, snuggling on a couch and watching a happy movie even, declarations of feelings to one another. I like to be there to reassure her especially that I do care for her, love her if that's applicable, that I do ~not~ think she is whatever various things I may have referred to her as during play, etc.
LadyF - 01/02/2022
And being honest in the answers!
kissa - 01/02/2022
Let's throw them out there: Gatorade. protein. sweets (namely chocolate because the chemicals in it are close to identical to those when we feel love)
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
I have an amazing casual partner who is the most amazing giver of aftercare I've ever had. it's a person-to-person thing.
kissa - 01/02/2022
@DominantPoetgood
Stephie - 01/02/2022
a lot of reassurance, comfort, guidance on making sure to get clean and drink water, and snacks are always incredibly helpful.
LilBee - 01/02/2022
I was thinking about that situation you shared with me hehe!! Plus a couple of my own lols
User - 01/02/2022
As an aftercare I snuggle up on my Sir's laptop he hugs me whispers in my ears sometimes sweet nothings, but the fact that he is there and i can feel his protective strong safe arms around me is all I need and want.... But sometimes a bath together helps too
kissa - 01/02/2022
@LilBeethere are different levels, I think. A drink and a snack versus snuggles and favorite slippers
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
I need to know I've been pleasing. That's the most important.
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
Sometimes I'll even take silence- just being held in company, touched tenderly, feeling protected
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
Mine is online only though, so physical things aren't important when I'm with Him. That is for after.
Pjosi the Sadistic Complainer - 01/02/2022
Cuddles are amazing
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Oh yes, that as well. If she needs reassurance that I enjoyed everything we did, I enjoyed her, I had a wonderful time, etc. All for it. And I like to hear that from her too of course.
autumn velvet - 01/02/2022
As slave, and knowing the Master's preferences, in the immediate intimacy afterward, it's quiet and demure, romantic touches and soothing love words and slow motion living for a bit, and only allow the real-world concerns to return gradually.
LilBee - 01/02/2022
I need reassurance. It's usually Him right away saying "you're OK" "I've got you" "you're safe" "Daddy loves you" over and over til I come down
kissa - 01/02/2022
@chrissa {M} that's totally valid.
User - 01/02/2022
As an aftercare I snuggle up on my Sir's lap top he hugs me whispers in my ears sometimes sweet nothings, but the fact thst he is there and i can feel his protective strong safe arms around me is all I need and want.... But sometimes a bath together helps too
kissa - 01/02/2022
and we'll do the online vs offline disclaimer later
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
sometimes aftercare for me doesn't really involve him cuddling me.. but doing things I like... Ie, wiping me down, lotioning me up, warm blankets, a Studio Ghibli movie and let me rest.
User - 01/02/2022
Ops that went through twice.... Sowwwyyyy
kissa - 01/02/2022
@ User all good
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
I need different things depending on the session though. If it's a deeply degrading session, I prefer to be underfoot and not cuddled. Let me come back up from the muck, first
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Luvvie that's an intimacy, though. He knows what you need. It may not be hearts and flowers, but it's certainly care
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
nodding
kissa - 01/02/2022
@chrissa {M}noooo i don't wanna
autumn velvet - 01/02/2022
@chrissa {M} that's just so precious my cheeks are hurting from grinning.
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
Sometimes I like being talked to; hell, tell me a story as I get cleaned up; tell me you're proud, tell me I did well, tell me I'm strong and beautiful even in my teary mess
Stephie - 01/02/2022
this, so much of this.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
sometimes just being... just sitting in the silence while he runs his fingers along electrified skin is enough..
User - 01/02/2022
@HellPrincess yep, same here...
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
there are so many types of aftercare.
kissa - 01/02/2022
This is all wonderful and you are all RIGHT. It's what works for YOU, immediately post scene. A lot of Tops have reported that while they love a someone-else-made sandwich, also caring for the bottom helps bring them down. We don't want to forget them, though. Swinging a flogger is a bitch on the shoulders and back, so offer (and don't assume) a backrub.
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
That's what I was trying to say earlier haha I think I failed though
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
Cleaning them after. Cock worship. Hand worship. Thanking them for using us.
LilBee - 01/02/2022
Yes I definitely need alllll the praise
User - 01/02/2022
@chrissa {M} of course
LilBee - 01/02/2022
And I thank Him profusely too

HellPrincess - 01/02/2022

tell your D how you feel! Be the mushy puddle they turned you into; be raw, connect.
kissa - 01/02/2022
The Top is still going to be in a state of hypervigilence so anything that the bottom can do to help tone that down is going to help. Even if it's gentle words, reassurance for the skills, thankfulness for their service in playing with a bottom's nerves. If you can, or if someone can help you, note down the stressors on his body when he's doing his thing - and ask to rub them. They are thirsty, too. They are also cold, so offering some big gloves and lotion. That kind of thing
@Luvviethose are all perfect
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
thissss
User - 01/02/2022
@Luvvie yeah, I do and say those things
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
I've never thought about them still being hyperviligent. That's so important to realize. Thank you.
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Personally, after a super intense scene even if I'm dropping, if it's the winter I wanna go out in the super cold and cool down for a moment first hehe.
kissa - 01/02/2022
So, for those scene/club bottoms and tops that may not get aftercare, i think it's important to remember that you need to bring stuff for YOURSELF for your aftercare. Bring your own water. Your own juice. Your own snacks. Your own blanket/sweater/fluffy socks.
It's literallty called an aftercare kit (because lifestylers are super creative all the time). If you are going to be going home afterwards, even from a Lover's home, have a kit ready so you do't have to search for stuff.
User - 01/02/2022
@kissa I always offer to give my Sir a massage and just be there for him but he is like "no baby is my job to make sure you are fine, because I care about you and I want you to be ok and feel like a million euros".... Love thst guy but I wish he'd let me return all the care and tenderness from time to time

DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Personally, after a super intense scene even if I'm dropping, if it's the winter I wanna go out in the super cold and cool down for a moment first hehe.
kissa - 01/02/2022
So, for those scene/club bottoms and tops that may not get aftercare, i think it's important to remember that you need to bring stuff for YOURSELF for your aftercare. Bring your own water. Your own juice. Your own snacks. Your own blanket/sweater/fluffy socks.
It's literallty called an aftercare kit (because lifestylers are super creative all the time). If you are going to be going home afterwards, even from a Lover's home, have a kit ready so you do't have to search for stuff.
User - 01/02/2022
@kissa I always offer to give my Sir a massage and just be there for him but he is like "no baby is my job to make sure you are fine, because I care about you and I want you to be ok and feel like a million euros".... Love thst guy but I wish he'd let me return all the care and tenderness from time to time
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
last one
Image
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
Weighted blankets are incredible for those that are LDR or otherwise have to do so for themselves!
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
amen
kissa - 01/02/2022
Have Howl's Moving Castle on top of a robe on top of a bottle of super scrumptious lotions and soaps and snacks, etc.
@chrissa {M}bless
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
scribbles bacon on there as well hehe
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
In preparation for drops, I would like to recommend having someone you can talk to about how you're feeling! A close friend in the lifestyle, who will help keep you grounded and reassured, in case you need someone other than your partner. Talking helps!!!
kissa - 01/02/2022
@ Useryou may want to have a mini-chat like we're having now and let him know that taking care of him post scene IS part of the aftercare you need
@HellPrincess yes!!!!!
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
this is why a lot of us are drawn to groups like these. Some of us can't talk to ppl irl... and it can be very lonely if you don't have someone to debrief with.
Olive - 01/02/2022
I find that I don't particularly like to talk about my drops....and i get bad drops......I like someone's presence...knowing they are there...but asking me to talk about the drop or why or what can make me feel...."threatened" or deepen the vulnerability that I am tryning to slap out of. does that make sense?
the worst thing they can do is leave or move on too fast..or ask too many questions....and i'm a mess...lol
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
chuckles can relate.
User - 01/02/2022
@kissa the funny thing is I had to push him down on the bed and say.... Ok here's the deal big guy.... You care about me daily at least now let me care about you and show you how much you mean to me.... At time works..... Other times we just end up wrestling on the bed and that leads to another kinky fuckery..... Shrugs.... Am I doing something wrong?
bluebird26 - 01/02/2022
I think it can be helpful to prepare about that ahead of time too. I'm not great at reaching out in the middle of it happening but if I have someone who knows what my plans are for the day to check in on me afterwards it can be a huge help
kissa - 01/02/2022
So, if it is possible, CALL your partner, to do a scene recap a day or so later. We are told to do a recap Right after a scene, but if you give it a day or so, you are allowing for some of the balance to happen and that helps your memory
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
Of course; it makes perfect sense- we don't all process our emotions equally
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
Can you maybe have someone where you could say "I'm dropping" and they know to simply be there for you?
Even just acknowledging it - and that you aren't alone - can be helpful.
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Never done a recap before. That's a good idea now that I hear it.
kissa - 01/02/2022
@ User laughs no. But a meta talk aboNot right after a scene. A time when you can sit, holding hands, talking about what happens during and after
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
At best we've joked about you know, oh you did this, or you liked this, or you weren't so innocent the other night type of remarks.
User - 01/02/2022
@kissa I might need extra ropes and cuffs for that.... For him thst is
kissa - 01/02/2022
@ Usersmiles cuff yourself to him. It's super sexy
User - 01/02/2022
@kissa now there's a thought
kissa - 01/02/2022
I want to give a few notes on how to mitigate drop as much as possible
Pre-scene
~hydrate with water
~no booze
~about an hour before, eat a high protein/low carb meal with a lot of veggies for the nutrients during the scene
Olive - 01/02/2022
I know i'm late...(had to work)...but I would remind others that during holidays, our hormones can be all over the place for different reasons. Not everyone enjoys the Holidays...for some, it's a difficult time...it's also time when a lot of alcohol is involved...so, any pay during those times has to be extra cautious because those drops can become serious triggers and deepen an issue or lead into depression. And any attempt to self-medicate with pot or booze will only make it worse.....so, just be careful
oops..kissa is on it...LOL
kissa - 01/02/2022
As we talked about up top, Drop Happens to athletes, adventurers, military, emergency responders, and anyone in a high stress situations or emergency.
@Olive reinforcing it is a REALLY good idea. Lord knows i self medicate a lot
Olive - 01/02/2022
lol
kissa - 01/02/2022
There is something that has helped those folks, it's called SIT - Stress Inoculation Training involves teaching coping skills to manage stress and anxiety. This may include training in deep muscle relaxation, cognitive restructuring, breathing exercises, assertiveness skills, thought stopping, role playing, and guided self-dialogue.
It is a psychotherapy method intended to help patients prepare themselves in advance to handle stressful events successfully and with a minimum of upset.
So, if you're good with your therapist or with reseach, you can investigate this. It isn't my baliwick and it isn't something that I can offer insight on. It does work for those that do drop that aren't in BDSM and has been discussed within the BDSM intelligencia
(i totes said that) for awhile
That said, take it with a grain of salt.
autumn velvet - 01/02/2022
@kissa in Healthcare, there is a similar training called Critical Incident Stress Management . Very helpful techniques which mirror some of these.
Shack - 01/02/2022
Thank you all for the discussion
kissa - 01/02/2022
@autumn velvet that's great to know. Please note those keywords and do some research on your own.
Evangel - 01/02/2022
The Biggest things with drop is being aware when it's no longer just drop and needing to seek professional help. ALWAYS consult a mental health professional before doing your own care. Most treatment models should be done under the guidance of a license professional
Olive - 01/02/2022
and dont fight the drop....as my old Master used to say, treat it like a buffet: take what you need and leave the rest. sometimes, you can learn a lot about yourself if you "Listen" to your drop....treat it like a child that needs attention...not to be shamed an shunned and told to go away
User - 01/02/2022
@kissa the guided self dialogue is something I use all the time. Your thoughts are incredibly powerful and learning to line them up and move them in the direction you want is immensely helpful. I use it mostly for my ADHD
kissa - 01/02/2022
I do want to stress something that Olive brought up as a pre-scene note is that booze and other legal/semi-legal/ought-to-be-legals are deeply discouraged because not only to they play havoc with emotions and bdy chemistry, they also mute pain signals which can lead to a lot of issues because you aren't feeling what you're feeling (which is another symptom of being in subpace)
kissa - 01/02/2022
@ Userthat's a good one and I would love to hear about it soon
@Olive it's going to happen, so make friends with your demons.
Olive - 01/02/2022
sometimes i fight with my demons, and sometimes we snuggle
Evangel - 01/02/2022
Also be aware some mental health medications can also impact your ability to feel when playing. Just a side note
kissa - 01/02/2022
We talked pre-scene mitigators, let's talk mid-scene help: During scene
~hydrate (with straw if needed)
~manage glucose with OJ as it can drop during play because we are burning through our daily sugar stores from the food we consume.
LilBee - 01/02/2022
What are your thoughts on pain meds after the scene/a few hours after? Does that negate the whole point in a sense?
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Evangelcymbalta is my friend sighs
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
"Hold on babe, gotta stop for some OJ" hehe, is good idea though
kissa - 01/02/2022
@LilBeeoh hell no.
Evangel - 01/02/2022
It's common for someone who identifies as a "painslut" to not be able to do the same scene wise or have a want to do it after getting on medication.
kissa - 01/02/2022
We talked post scene activities to help Drop but to recap
LilBee - 01/02/2022
I usually want something a little while after lol
kissa - 01/02/2022
~Take me time without guilt.
~take alone time
~relax
~engage in hobbies and fun things to do
~communicate with submissive/Dominant and describe what's happening
~the other person can be checking in, giving reassurances of love, affection, validity, and trust.
~journal feelings
~talk with other sub/Dom friends for similar experiences
~get outside into nature
~stay active
~sleep
~remember that there is no shame in what we do
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Yes, zero shame. Just because not everyone does BDSM doesn't mean there's anything wrong with what we enjoy. Just make sure and enjoy it with someone who consents
kissa - 01/02/2022
Folks, let's talk questions. Hit me. I like it.
User - 01/02/2022
Gatorade and Pedialyte are your friends mid session lol
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
I wanna know about recaps! What all would you discuss during those?
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
Should we talk about the difference between online and RL sessions and needs? If there are differences?
kissa - 01/02/2022
@LilBee there is no shame in taking (the recommended dose) of tylenol or Advil. I highly suggest that you avoid aspirin.
Chezzy Bear - 01/02/2022
Keep meds near by just incase (I'm asthmatic so have to keep inhalers close by at all times)
kissa - 01/02/2022
@DominantPoet what worked, what didn't, what did "you/me/we" do wrong. How can I/You/We make it better next time. What limits did you discover, etc?
@chrissa {M} Yes! Thank you!
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
jots down That's good to know, I'll have to try that sometime, usually I would bring that stuff up randomly in conversation, but having a sit down to discuss it all at once, I like that idea
kissa - 01/02/2022
DISCLAIMER: Online vs. Offline: YMMV and Offline hormones are waaaay better than online hormones because you don't have the protection of a screen. You CAN totally hit subspace online. I have done it. It can happen during a text based scene or one just staring at each other via your cams. Offline physical feelings are going to be stronger and deeper and the drops will, by nature, be deeper and stronger
and as always, Your Milage May Vary and you may not feel anything different after an intense scene.
@DominantPoetyou may want to think about having a checklist of "Stuff to do post scene" that includes moments, minutes, hours, and days after the scene.
Olive - 01/02/2022
question: based on the discussion and the influx of hormones and such...is it fair to say that everyone experiences a form of a drop but not necessarily the same severity? And, what about those that do not experience any drops? How is that possible?
User - 01/02/2022
I think online too the Dom has to be a lot more conscious of the subs headspace. You're not there to physically care and pick up on physical tells. So you better make sure and check on them and make yourself available to them mentally
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
That sounds good, I'll try that too!
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Yeah, my last online slave always told me when she had a drop, thankfully, otherwise I was oblivious.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
I had a Dom who would always bounce as soon as the scene was done... not a good feeling.
User - 01/02/2022
@DominantPoet it definitely comes with its own obstacles. The connection can be completely real and the feelings are just as strong, but you've got to be thoughtful of the fact that you aren't there. There are some things that you just can't do, so you have to fill that in with other things.
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Olive "everyone experiences a form of a drop" no. YMMV. "same severity" ditto. It can be sinking to the pits of the earth or being a little extra tchetchy. "do not experience any drops" they may not be hitting subspace, they may be awesome little hormone processors, they may have a chemical condition that does interesting things with their uptake, they may have the the parasympathetic nervous system of a psychopath (or not, right?). I can't know because i am not that person's therapist or neurologist.
@ User you're not wrong. If the scene was goooood, yes, please check on your partners
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
nods I knew her extremely well so if something did seem off, I would pick up on it. But I also knew she would try and hide worries from me and all, so that's why I was grateful she would speak up if she did have a drop, because otherwise she would probably have hid them on me. That's what I meant.
Stephie - 01/02/2022
same, its created a lot of long term issues
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Luvvie that's a discussion to be had, perhaps. Not a good feeling, though
Arabella - 01/02/2022
I think (and this is work for me I know) it's important to actively ask and check in with online partners.. You don't get hints at a drop. I struggle to tug the sleeve and say I'm not okay because I figure if they consider it their business they'll ask. And if they don't consider it their business I should take care of myself.
User - 01/02/2022
Definitely good that she could open up to you. And good for you for making them comfortable enough to open up to you.
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Arabella that is something that i also feel. There is NO shame in talking, though.
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
I think there is a misconception that because online is not the same as in person interaction, that it can be taken lightly- I've shed teeeeears; I've had the shakes, I've felt it at the end of a session and I've felt it afterwards. Not all of us engage in equal types of play, and we all do it with various types of involvement or intensity. My point is, do notttt skimp out on aftercare because it's "just online"
Shack - 01/02/2022
Openness
kissa - 01/02/2022
@HellPrincess you are absolutely correct. j
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Definitely. I hate hate hate people who treat online as totally different than IRL because it's still a human being on the other side of the screen no matter what.
Olive - 01/02/2022
i think the "not sub space" part fits more ...someone i knew that said she never had a drop....ever
i wasn't sure if i should envy her or feel bad for her...lol
autumn velvet - 01/02/2022
Well said, thank you!
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Which becomes especially horrid when they just toss someone aside because it's "just online". Poet no like.
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
I've definitely had infinitely more drops and more intense drops irl than online.
Olive - 01/02/2022
happens more ofte then most care to admit
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
It really does, aggrivates me to no end.
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Olive that can happen. Drop can only happen after space has been hit. Drop is literally a hormone dump. If she's not generating the hormones, there's nothing to dump. It doesn't mean that she's not feeling deeply. It doesn't mean that it's not real. For one reason or another, she's jut not generating the happy cocktail in amounts that require a dump/load/dump/load/balance cycle.
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
Like I'm well aware enough that it's different- I wish it wasn't, I wish it was in the flesh- but the hormones are still there, the journey still occurs- bondage isn't just ropes and chains- it's mental
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
I've had drops online but that was only with Smoky and that was because we had a reallllllly strong connection regardless of being online. That emotional intensity we shared definitely contributed.
MysticalDragon/MechsHands - 01/02/2022
exactly
DominantPoet - 01/02/2022
Couldn't agree more
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
nodding it happens.. no doubt. but it's easier to protect yourself from it by not giving everything...
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
I think online can sometimes be even more impactful because there's no physical distraction - it's laying bare your mind and soul.
HellPrincess - 01/02/2022
Welcome, late. pats seat beside her
kissa - 01/02/2022
And please remember, many don't recognize what drop feels like. If it happens days after a scene, maybe it's not connected. If they are used to depression, it could be just one more fucking thing. It could just be hypersensitivity to someone's stupid seasonal good cheer. Drop can look like a lot of different things, which is why i always encourage people to JOURNAL so they can start seeing patterns in behavior and feelings
autumn velvet - 01/02/2022
Valid point, Chrissa
Misfit - 01/02/2022
I'm not someone who has had many drops because irl I am very closed off and guarded so letting someone make me feel vulnerable enough to get to that place is hard for me. My drops come more from online because it was easier for me to let my vulnerability be seen that way.
kissa - 01/02/2022
you are not wrong. It's still completely valid as BDSM.
Olive - 01/02/2022
good point....and come to think of it, that may very well be it. She'd often have a meltdown of one kind or another...so bizzre...these drops
Davebomb - 01/02/2022
May I add drops don't just happen after scenes...
chrissa {M} - 01/02/2022
I relate.
kissa - 01/02/2022
exactly
kissa - 01/02/2022
nope, they can happen after any form of stress or accomplishment
Any more questions on the topic of space or drop?
Misfit - 01/02/2022
That's another thing mine are almost never because of a scene, my endorphins and adrenaline during a scene usually level out pretty well after and physical pain has never been a big stress to my body but like a hard switch or something then I'll drop and hard
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
that.. the hard switch is what gets me.
Davebomb - 01/02/2022
Not just that either.... I've had many drops after spending extended amounts of time with HP... I've found it hard coming down from the high of the time we've spent together and felt so low because of it. @Misfit
Misfit - 01/02/2022
Me too, it's a big shock to my system and throws me off for days and trying to level out after is hard
kissa - 01/02/2022
As always, you are all very welcome to visit and learn at TheBDSMGarden.com and partake in our chats, as well. It is a discord chat so mosying over is easy. While we do chat about nothing a lot, we are deeply education based. We also do photos of the naughty and nice, RP, games, topic chats, and the ocassional orgy.
Misfit - 01/02/2022
@Davebomb I can see that I have bpd so changes in time spent with anyone I'm close too throws me off anyways so hard to say if that would be a drop for me personally but I can relate to the feeling well
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Davebombyour brain is seeing that as an extended scene, just as an athelete is during training or a race.
@Misfit that makes sense smiles
Jof - 01/02/2022
Drop is no fun
Luvvie - 01/02/2022
Hopefully this discussion isn't a be-all end all.. Ideally it is the beginning of a continued conversation and allows us all to think outside the box. Many s-sets dont realize that D-sets can go through a drop as well.. This server has always been about learning and growing.. Hopefully this helps to broaden all of our knowledge bases just a little bit.

Thank you to Kissa for her knowledge/ insights... and her friends from the Garden for joining us! Thank you all for being a part of this discussion. Notes will be made available in the next few days.

Stay tuned for next week's discussion topic!
Misfit - 01/02/2022
I have to be very aware of my mental stuff because it plays a huge role in every aspect so sometimes it's hard to tell which of these things is contributing to it tricky slope to navigate
kissa - 01/02/2022
@Luvvie you're welcome. Thank you for inviting me. This may the be kick in the ass i needed to get our discussions running again. Garden folks, watch out.
User - 01/02/2022
Thank you to everyone it was a really good discussion. I'm hopeful to have more like this. Maybe we can wander into @kissa and their server for one someday too
autumn velvet - 01/02/2022
Bring It! Do It!