Immediately following a bdsm scene, there is the potential for a dominant and his submissive to have some onderful time together. Most people who use this time call it after care. I would urge anyone to try and share this special time together because it will lend great feelings to and about the relationship and to each partner individually. I believe that these feelings are the true joy of bdsm and hope that no one misses them by not slowing down and allowing them to blossom.

I think that following a scene both partners want to feel loved, cherished, wanted, needed, and a whole host of other emotions. In addition I feel that the dominant wants to feel that the submissive enjoyed herself and is alright with the scene and the activities which took place.

A submissive wants to know that she pleased her master, and the dominant wants to know that he didnt go too far or too fast.

Sometimes we assume that our partner knows they are valued, but it is always better to communicate than it is to assume. We should remember that everyone needs to be told of the value they hold for us.

If we make a small effort, we can truly share joy and bliss together. We can reaffirm our relationship, our roles, our just finished scene, and each other. But if we neglect this after care, we will miss out on all of this, and we may even hurt our partner emotionally.

A partner who is feeling good about herself, and her role is much more fun than one who is harboring feelings of hurt or confusion.

The easiest way to achieve quality after care is to just lie in each others arms, hugging, and chatting. We may slowly remove bondage, lightly fondle each other, or any number of different ways of showing affection. Maybe we even want to laugh together. Or discuss what we really loved about the scene. The main point is to keep it a positive, affirming, time.

The possibilities are endless. My most remembered time of after care followed my first scene with a new slave. She and I retired to my back deck, shared a snifter of Cognac, and a fine cigar. We each told the other how much we loved the scene and affirmed the joy we shared while in it. I know I will remember that time forever, I believe she will as well.

It took very little effort or time, but it cemented the relationship in ways that never would have been achieved
otherwise. Those few minutes created an unbreakable foundation for us to build upon.

We must be careful after a scene to not destroy this time. It is very fragile. Bringing up an off topic point, such as a problem at work will destroy it. Jumping up and beginning clean up will destroy it.

(clean up is very important, but it can wait 15 minutes)

Negative comments about the scene or our partner will destroy it, and will also hurt our partner deeply. Immediately following a scene is the worst time to ever criticize our partner.

Even an unanticipated action can greatly harm this time, don't jump up for a glass of water, tell your lady what you are doing and ask her to wait right where she is for your return. Upon your return give her a big hug and let her know that you still want to spend a few minutes together.

Some dominants may feel that after care is for wimps, or that only false submissives need it. I dont think that is the case. I believe it is equally important for everyone to have this time.

In fact I believe there is also a very selfish reason for dominants to actively pursue good after care. If the submissive
is experiencing good after care, she will want to play harder and more often. If she always feels a sense of let down after a scene, she wont be very motivated to repeat it.

I also believe that it can be difficult sometimes, especially after a very intense scene for one partner or the other to leave their role. After care gives a safe, slow, environment for this to happen. For some people, this may be a perfect time to gently and lovingly remove a submissives collar. I know some people who have even made a ritual out of this, to be assured of a few moments of peace together.

I hope that you are able to include after care in your scenes, I know that you will find it to improve them greatly. You will also see many positive benefits in your submissive, and in yourself.

Please dont destroy this special time.