Much is said about Safe, Sane and Consensual within the BDSM lifestyle, it has become a cornerstone catch word for living. What isn't being discussed is the necessary evaluation of mental condition that it entails upon all people.
One of the most talked about features of the BDSM community is the existence and usage of the Safe Word or Safe Call or Safe Sign.
Safe: secure from threat or danger, harm or loss. Except, there is no such security. D/s and BDSM exist where safety is tenuous at best. Assurances of complete safety simply cannot be given.
The 'idea' of 'risk aware' has been around a long time. The problem being that most people are not really aware of the risks at all.
How to deal with doms who took money from his sub and made false promises, and also what to do if a dom tries to defame your character if you mention to others that he took money from you and will not pay you back.
One of the first questions asked of a new submissive is "What are your limits?"
Check your potential partners reputation. Ask questions. Ask subs they used to be with. Listen to the itch in your brain that something isn't right. Be safe.
Lord **** grim words and posting bring sad sighs of shared pain and anguish to me. Over the years the tiny news clips parade like a litany of darkness in the soul. Some are friends, some distant names whispered on frightened lips. This posting propelled a discussion with a Dom/male friend of mine about the inherent dangers of 'First Meetings'. This discussion centered around his own impending first meeting with a submissive fem from this on-line community. He expressed his extreme concern at her failure to ask critical questions of him before agreeing to meet him.
3/18/20 Song Yung discusses Sincerity vs Red Flags in budding BDSM and D/s relationships.
3/24/20 Serrian talks about the importance of limits, safewords, and aftercare online and off.
Among the many problems that can happen in a scene, panic attacks can be a serious one, especially if the Top doesn't know how to handle them.
It seems that when we reach a certain degree of intimacy we start allowing ourselves some behaviors that bring conflict and emotional damage. Then, perhaps what we should do is to learn to recognize those behaviors and ways to avoid them.
BDSM Red Flags
Concerning Gaslighting
MRC as a safety anagram.
"What are some good questions to ask a prospective Dom to help spot the fakes and the predators?"
BDSM has SCC but what are the three Cs of spanking?
How to spot a faker.
The most important thing of all is the accountability of the individuals engaged in the activity itself.
This is an article I wrote in 1997 addressing what I felt to be inadequacies in SM's most famous rubric.
How many times have you come across someone (it doesn't matter Dom/mme, sub, Master, slave, switch, Top, bottom) that either claims to be or is seeking someone that is "no limits"?
There are two viewpoints on personal safty in the lifestyle, but they aren't mutualy exclusive, no matter what some claim.
I believe in the combination of both S.S.C. (Safe, Sane, Consensual) and R.A.C.K. (Risk, Aware/Assessed, Consensual, Kink).
Consent is only part of the triad of SSC. It all matters.
A guideline for first time meetings.